Last year I purchased my dream home, two blocks from the beach in Santa Cruz.
The truth is that as a schoolteacher from Iowa I never thought I’d be buying a house in California, much less a $1 million home so close to the beach. You think this was a story that would be pain-free… not so.
The sweet gift from the Universe is that my business has been successful, and I desperately needed a home.
However, at first it was incredibly painful to be in my home without a partner in my life. It was the first time I had lived alone in my life.
I found myself avoiding coming home because of the emptiness I felt there. I became exhausted and run down from my lack of “home time” and finally had to face not just the emptiness inside of my home but the emptiness inside of me.
In situations like this I did what I always do when sh*t gets hard, and what I recommend my clients do as they build their businesses.
I noticed what I was avoiding and I turned toward it, regardless of the pain and discomfort. (This action is KEY in business success BTW!)
Over the days and weeks that followed, I started forcing myself to come home at least a couple nights a week despite the dark heaviness inside my tummy that I felt when I walked in the door.
I cooked for myself, hung with my cats, cried and felt the hard feelings when I needed to.
The story inside my head was that there was something wrong. That I should have a family by now, that I should have given birth to a baby girl by now… and that I was a failure because I didn’t.
I was ashamed to tell people in my life how difficult this was, I thought I should be stronger. I remember confiding in my friend Barbara Marx Hubbard at an event about how nervous I was to return back to my empty house at the end of the retreat we were on, and her eyes welled up with tears.
Much to my aghast, she said “oh Sage I started living alone just a few years ago in my 60s… it was the most painful time of my whole life.”
I began to realize that not only was I “not alone” but other women have the same story I did.
I slowly learned to be with myself even in the lonely and sad moments. I reached out to my friends to stay connected, and I took solace in my work. I love my work.
It’s my love of my work, the women I get to work with… and the sisterhood I’ve created through my work that got me through the pain of learning to live alone for the first time.
In learning to live alone, I’ve cultivated a deep and unshakable connection inside myself. Now… most days… I come home, throw open the door to my sweet home full of all my favorite foods and kitties waiting for me and I feel a sense of… well… home. I feel like I’m home. It’s a huge accomplishment for me that I’ve arrived here.
And, what’s even sweeter, I’ve been able to revel in the truth that while I haven’t birthed a child yet, I’ve birthed a 7-figure training company, and I’m about to birth a best selling book for women who want to start businesses.
Learning to live alone, learning to grow a business and learning to do ANYTHING new in life can be uncomfortable. Transformation forces us to address resistance inside ourselves that keeps us locked up.
But guess what lies on the other side of you facing the resistance?
Turn toward it sister.
It’s worth it.
What are you turning toward inside yourself?
Let’s get some posts going so we can get a sisterhood going on here today.
Your clients are waiting for you… You know the drill.
(Not just someone like you… they’re actually waiting for YOU!)
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