S1E11: Overcome Your Fear of Public & Virtual Speaking
Welcome to the Women Rocking Business Podcast, because there’s never been a better time to be a woman entrepreneur. I’m Sage Lavine, and I am here to call you for us to rock your business. Sister let’s dive in.
Sage Lavine
00:00:22
Hello, hello, hello everyone! Welcome to this week’s business breakthrough. Today’s topic is the fear of public speaking, and I’m sure that’s not going to resonate with anybody. So, you know, if you’re totally over the fear of public speaking, then you know, you can just go watch another training somewhere else.
But if you get nervous, when you think about taking the stage, if you have butterflies in your stomach, when you think about getting more visible, if you feel tightness in your chest or your throat, when you think about getting on video camera or stepping out, live in front of a group of people or a room full of people, you’re in the right place. I want to give you my three favorite strategies to get to the front side of that fear and overcome that fear. It’s not about making it go away. It’s about learning to work with it so that you can take the stage confidently.
Sage Lavine
00:01:05
You can change lives using your voice and your presence, and you can make the difference that you came here to make, because we only have this one life. We only have this one moment. It’s a flicker, and then it’s over. You have an opportunity to go out there and use your voice to make a difference, so let’s get you going now…Because the people out there that are waiting to hear your message they’re out there, struggling, suffering, and mediocrity and complacency, and they are looking for solutions. So let’s be sure that you have the tools and the skills so that you can continue to get out there regardless of how nervous or scared or anxious you might be. Now, Jerry Seinfeld said, “The number one fear of most Americans is public speaking. Therefore, most Americans would much rather be laying in the casket than giving the eulogy.”
Sage Lavine
00:01:50
So for those of you that might be nervous about taking the stage. I want to start to speak into this and give you some tools to get to the front side of this. Many of you on the Women Rocking Business Facebook group have started to speak into the fact that you’re terrified. You’re not just nervous to take the stage. You’re terrified to take the stage. Michelle says, “I have noticed a pattern where I’m accountable. When I show up for my daughter’s activities, my daughter’s extracurriculars my daughter’s stuff, but I still am up against a huge fear about getting out there with my own stuff.”
Sage Lavine
00:02:32
“I’m holding myself back from living my own life. It’s easier to be a mom than it is to be an entrepreneur.” Right? I totally get it, Michelle. It is so much easier to show up for somebody else. In fact, that can be a clue to one of the hacks of taking the stage is to stop making it about you.
Toni Jarvis says, “Even the thought of speaking and taking the stage is my biggest problem.” Many of you agreed with that sentiment in the Women Rocking Business Sisterhood.
So let’s about this for a moment. Hack number one: before you even hit the stage, I want to invite you to get more supported than you think you need to be. Reach out to other people who, you know, who have stepped on stage, lean into people who, you know, understand what you’re going through end aren’t going to tell you to just change your mind and not do it. Reach out to people who you know in your life are willing to take risks
Sage Lavine
00:03:15
Visualize success, right? See it going well, see yourself smiling and connecting with the crowd. Then remember your opportunity here is to show up in service. When you make this about your fear and your anxiety, and that’s the reason you’re not getting out there, and that’s the reason you’re procrastinating putting a talk or a video in on your calendar, or just turning the video camera on and going live on Facebook…. When you’re letting your fear get in the way of that, you are literally making your fear and your resistance bigger than your commitment to service.
Sage Lavine
00:04:00
Can you feel that? This is about you actually getting out of your own way and focusing your heart and your energy on the people who are waiting for you and your message. That’s what’s going to pull you through. Keep in mind before you even get on stage or Take the stage and get on camera. That any fear that you have going on and your chest or your heart are your throat. It’s actually going to keep you humble. Can you feel that? The fear is actually there to keep you on your game? If that fear weren’t there at all, you might get super loose lipped. I mean, you might start spouting out about, you know, things that either aren’t important or aren’t relevant or might even be offensive.
Sage Lavine
00:04:43
I know many of you out there are highly offensive. No, I’m just kidding. Right? But hear what I’m saying. The opportunity here is to use it, the fear to keep you on your game, to keep you on point and to keep you humble. Because when you’re connected to your fear, you’re human. You’re just another human that’s here to make a difference in the lives of your clients, rather than you being some, you know, shiny superstar on stage. That’s actually not what people want anymore. People want real authentic examples of leadership.
Sage Lavine
00:05:23
So get connected with the humility, get connected with the fear and be willing to get out there and get organized anyway, right before you even hit the stage, start to create an outline. What is it that you want to say? Right? The simple formula is to tell them what you’re going to tell them, then tell them, and then tell them what you told them. Simple three part formula that one of my dear fellow teachers, he was my fellow science teacher. When I used to teach science, he used to teach me, those are the only three things you need to know to be a great teacher. You got to tell him what you’re going to tell them and then tell them, and then tell them what you told them.
Sage Lavine
00:06:06
So when you take the stage, when you make a video, get them engaged, ask a question that everybody can say and easy “yes” to let them know where you’re going. What’s the topic? Then you got to teach something. You got to give them some great content. Then when you review and you go back and say, “Okay, here’s where we’ve been.” That’s your opportunity to tell people what the next step is.
The last thing you want to do before hitting the stage is you want to ask yourself, who’s going to be in the room and you want to start speaking to them. When I speak at my friend Ocean Robbins’ events, he’s got a room full of food gurus and health junkies. You know, I don’t talk about the fact that I might’ve gone out and had a glass of wine the night before.
Sage Lavine
00:06:50
I’m talking about my love for organic foods. You know, I’m giving examples that have to do with my healthy choices rather than my unhealthy choices. Right? So ask yourself who is in the room.
Then the last thing that you can do to really start to warm up that room is to start to fuse the crowd. What I mean by that is to really consider what connects this crowd to each other. For instance, if you’re in the live room, you can have your audience turn to each other, give each other a high five and let people know whatever you’ve been through, thank you for being in this room. Whatever you did to get your butt here, congratulations.
Like you can have people look around and look in each other’s eyes. You can have people raise their hand and say yes to a particular question. You can crack a joke and get everybody laughing. You can have everybody take a deep breath together, Fusing the energy, uniting the crowd is going to be one of the fastest ways that you can really create that comfort level on stage, right? Because once you’re on stage, that’s when you’re going to be the most nervous. I always say, there’s two things that you want to practice before you take the stage.
Sage Lavine
00:08:11
You want to practice your intro and your offer because those are the two times you’re most nervous. So always be prepared for the introduction and for the offer that you’re going to make at the end of your talk, because those are the times that you’re probably going to lose your way the most, or be a little nervous about offending somebody or it not going well. So practice your intro and your outro, and be ready to fuse the crowd. You know, be ready too, and have a trick in your back pocket that can really get that crowd connected with each other.
Okay. I want to take a moment and pause for a quick Rock Your Business commercial break and let you know that we’ve just launched a Make Money with your Message Bonus Training for anyone who buys my book, Women Rocking Business, the book hit number one, when it was recently published with Hay House. The book is a 12-step system for any woman to go from just having an idea to building a six or an even seven figure business with simple and elegant business strategies that are based in women’s values. You know, women are starting businesses one and a half times faster than men, but we’re also failing faster than men.
But when we learn to build businesses that align with our innate values of collaboration, rather than competition empowerment, rather than power over. And when we build businesses based in generosity, rather than using scarcity or manipulative selling tactics, I see women grow and thrive as successful business owners and CEOs. In our community, we see that 90% of businesses are succeeding rather than 90% failing. So we have a special promo happening right now, where when you buy the book, you get access to our full training course, Make Money With Your Message, which is a five video module course where you’ll get our simple proven system on how to Make Money With Your Message.
I’ll walk you through getting clear on your mission statement, really understanding who your clients are, how to find them, how to sell to them in a way that feels authentic and with integrity. You’ll learn to match your offerings with the things that your clients are struggling with the most. And you’ll get my freedom formula on how to grow business and make great money and just 12 days a month or less. So go grab the book over at www.womenrockingbusiness.com/book and get the bonuses so that we can get you going because your clients – they’re waiting for you.
Sage Lavine
00:10:40
Again, once you’re on stage, connect with a friendly face, this is a super hot tip because some people are listening to you, but even their natural listening face is just kind of a scowl. So your job is to look for those friendly, smiling, nodding faces. Those are the people you’re teaching too. If you can stay focused on those people, your energy is going to be higher. We like to call those people generators. Your energy is going to be higher. You’re going to be able to bring your best, most confident self and make a difference for the entire crowd, just by teaching to that one friendly face.
Sage Lavine
00:11:24
Then, you’re going to want to find a pace with your voice that allows people to really stay with you. Pace yourself. Don’t rush. Remember that one of the most effective tools and public speaking is to modulate your voice, right? As you’re listening to me teach, you’re going to hear me speed up. Then you’re going to listen to me, slow down and land certain words. That is what’s going to keep your words interesting and engaging for people to listen to. So if you haven’t practiced just modulating your voice and playing with the pace of your voice, absolutely sit down with a friend and practice this stuff so that you can consistently get better at really using your voice and even your hand gestures to really lead the room.
Sage Lavine
00:12:14
Now, one of the biggest tricks to really rocking out your speaking engagement is to set yourself up for support after you get off the stage. I know this sounds crazy, but after we get off the stage is oftentimes when our biggest gremlins come in. The biggest gremlins of, “Oh my gosh, I sucked, Oh my gosh, that was terrible. Nobody’s ever going to want to come listen to me again. I’m the worst. I’m so horribly sucky.” Whatever it is that you say to yourself, chances are, you may say that to yourself when you get off stage.
Sage Lavine
00:12:54
So you want to protect yourself from that on the front side of your speaking engagement. You want to make sure that you have somebody there to catch you. In fact, we teach the women and our programs to always have a wing woman there. If you’re speaking live somebody who knows that it takes some fricking ovaries to get on stage, right? It’s not just an easy thing to do. Somebody who can really support you and have your back when you get off the stage to tell you how great you were, to tell you that you are beautiful and amazing and any feedback they have for you can wait until tomorrow. Write this down. We always really liked to encourage our clients, to laminate their experience.
Sage Lavine
00:13:38
What I mean by that is on the front side of your experience a day or two, before you’re going to take the stage. You’re careful with your energy. You’re only spending time with people who make you feel like a million bucks. You’re not putting yourself in situations where low vibe people are going to try to poke holes in your aura, right?
After the speaking engagement, the people in your life, the people in the room, and they know that right after that moment of getting off stage is not the best time to give you feedback. They’re there to be supported. They’re there to cheer you on. Their job is to let you know what an incredible job you did and any feedback that they have for you can be delivered to you the next day or a couple of days later.
Sage Lavine
00:14:27
I recommend going back and watching yourself. If you have a video of yourself on stage, or if you’re just looking back at a video that you made, go back and watch yourself and learn, and be careful not to judge yourself too much. Alright? Promise? Do not judge yourself too much because judging yourself too much is going to cause all kinds of havoc, all kinds of limiting beliefs, all kinds of beating up on yourself that are going to prevent you from getting out there and that in the future. So give yourself permission to not be a robot, give yourself permission to be beautifully imperfect. Remember that that’s what people want from you anyway. They don’t want a manufactured Barbie Doll version of you.
Sage Lavine
00:15:08
They want an authentic, messy, real human version of you who’s just being real. So be gentle with yourself. In fact, there’s a rule of thumb. This is a great thing to jot down. The more driven you are in life, the more gentle you actually need to be with yourself. Seriously, or else that judgment can really wreak so much havoc on your own psyche that you make it almost impossible for you to get out there. So let me know what the biggest block is that you have to getting on stage. What’s your biggest fear? Post it in the Women Rocking Business Sisterhood so that we can really start coming together and supporting each other and get through these fears.
Sage Lavine
00:15:53
Remember, your job is to, again, before you hit the stage, visualize your success, visualize it going well, ask yourself, how can I serve? How can I be of greater service to the people in this room? Once you’re on stage, don’t rush, right? Take a moment. Take the opportunities that you have to fuse the crowd together. The sooner you get that whole crowd raising their hands, responding to something that you said, taking a breath together, you’re going to feel a sense of belonging in that room that allows you to rest as a facilitator. After you get off the stage, be sure to have somebody to catch you so that you don’t have to go off and start beating up on yourself, making up stories about what went well and what didn’t go out and making decisions about, you know, whether or not you’re going to take the stage and the future.
Sage Lavine
00:16:47
I hope this was a helpful first start to getting you to the front side of any fears that you have of public speaking. As always, thank you for being the very best part of Women Rocking Business. You are amazing for having the desire to get out there in the first place. Remember that your people are literally out there waiting for you. They’re not just waiting for someone like you. They’re actually waiting for you. So the message that’s coming through you, it’s not an ego thing. It’s not an, “I have to prove this thing” thing. The message that’s coming through you. The thing that you want to open up your mouth and say, even if it’s not fully formulated yet, it’s actually coming through you as an expression of the divine, as an expression of the channel that you are allowing yourself to become, to channel universal wisdom through this human body of yours.
Sage Lavine
00:17:47
You are not alone in this. When you get on stage, you will not be alone even then. In fact, just the nature of taking the stage allows you to step into a portal of channeling. Yes, absolutely, bring an outline when you do not have an outline and you veer too far away from the outline and you get an aha moment in the middle of your talk of like, “I think they need to know this story about my dog and I when I was five years old and the bloody nose.” There’s a very good chance that when you’re high on adrenaline, on the stage, veering too far from the outline can leave you feeling like a legacy in your own mind.
Sage Lavine
00:18:31
As you’re getting your speaking chops, stick to the outline, connect with your heart, commit to making a difference in the lives of the people who are listening to you, answer their questions, tell them that they can do it. Remember the most important thing is just you being you. Y O U. You saying yes. Yes to taking the stage yes. Yes to visibility. Yes to making an even bigger difference. Thank you for being the very best part of Women Rocking Business. Your clients are waiting for you. They’re not just waiting for someone like you. They are actually waiting for you. Go out there and do it. Don’t let your fear stop you. Let your fear feel you. You got this, sister.
Sage Lavine
00:19:18
You’ve been listening to Women Rocking Business. I’m Sage Lavine. The next step is to join our private Facebook group. The Women Rocking Business Sisterhood and introduce yourself over there for the real and vulnerable conversation of what it really takes to launch and scale a business you love in that Sisterhood group. We have each other’s backs, each other’s sides and each other’s fronts. This is true collaboration. So go grab a seat in the Sisterhood because we can go so much further when we go together, you’ll find a link to the private Sisterhood group and do our upcoming events in the show notes.
And if you have a woman in your life, who’s growing a business or starting a business, please share this podcast with her so she can create her big dreams and take a moment to subscribe and rate and review the podcast, which helps us get our message into the hands of women who need it. I’ll see you on the next show and don’t forget, your clients are waiting. They’re not just waiting for someone like you. They’re actually waiting for you.
